Because everything happens for a reason

Ten years ago, as I sat explaining my interviewer as to why didn’t I build my career as a photographer, I was troubled. It was tough for me to leave photography, especially when I had knit dreams of marrying it. Coming from a neat, down-to-earth background, I had somehow gathered the audacity to start a revolution in my family, by doing something out of the box - photography. Of course I was criticized; Almost on a daily basis. But I held on to it extensively. I stood alone, so as time passed, I weakened. I was shattered when I couldn’t get into National Geographic’s course focusing on cultural photography. It was my only hope to escape the monotony, and shut everyone up once and for all. But I had failed in it.

It was in this moment of weakness that my father convinced me to sit for an interview for a clerical job. I was always good at studies; I was destined for such a job. And so, when the interviewer asked me “Why did you leave photography?”, I faked an answer just as any sane being.

“If you hadn’t left photography, you wouldn’t be here” the interviewer smiled “Everything happens for a reason.” I smiled and thanked him for the opportunity. As time passed, I learned to live with my life. I wasn’t sad. Perhaps everything did happen for a reason.

Five years ago, as I stood near the river bank, trying to look into my lovers' eyes as she eluded me, I realised how much I was about to lose. We could no longer be together she said. She was moving to a different city. Three years had we been together, and today was the end of it. I had learned to fake a smile in a fake world, but for some reason, I couldn’t smile then. Something on the inside felt empty. Something like a parasite of despondency etched deep inside slowly devouring me inside out, taking one bite at a time. “I want you to be happy in your life” she said “Everything happens for a reason”

I let her go, but wondered ‘How could such pain be for a good reason?’ It took time to settle in, and eventually I got married to a woman my parents chose for me, about two years ago. She is a nice woman and I couldn’t complain of my life being sad then.

Ten months ago, my wife was to give birth to my child. I was never happier than the day she announced me this. I took her out and spent an entire day with her. Everything in my life had happened for a reason, and this was it! I was happy beyond measure, I was glad beyond a doubt. But it was all temporary. My child had died in her uterus ten months ago, a month before delivery. It was something that happened to one in a million, the doctors said. It broke us. It broke everything we had

.

One fine morning I overheard her mother expressing her views, “He has a plan for everyone. Everything happens for a reason.” And that is what I have said to myself all my life. I say it to people in grief, in loss. But I don’t believe it. Ten months have happened, and the sadness, the remorse, the anger have not subsided. How could my child’s death be for any good reason?

All these sayings are put forth to console the heart, to let hope live in bosoms, to pull out people through tough times, but none of these are real. They’re false, they’re like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There is no end to the rainbow! They’re human devised means of cheating sorrow, but they’re all necessary fallacies. Nothing happens for a reason. But it is important to believe so.

We say this, so we can adapt to the change that we did not want in the first place. Good things always happen in our lives, no matter the choices we make. I was happy with my life. But would I not be happy if I’d never given up on photography? Or never let her go away? Yes I would. But none of it matters now. And so, today my wife and I live in a secluded house in a village. We barely talk. But we both are waiting for things to get better one day, as we keep telling ourselves, everything happens for a reason.